Things I'll Never Say
by Star-chan and Neko
Summary: Another Avril songfic, set during the begining of R season. Just read it, please.


Star-chan: Hi! *ducks Himedono and Evil Willow's flying tomatoes*  
  
Neko: *snickers*  
  
Star-chan: I happen to like tomatoes, so HA! *Himedono and Evil Willow start throwing apples instead* OW! That HURTS!  
  
Neko: YEA!  
  
Star-chan: I KNOW I should be updating "Similarities", but I have no inspiration.  
  
Neko: Poor Star. *hides Star-chan's inspiration further back*  
  
Star-chan: So, I started this little fanfic!  
  
Neko: Another Avril Songfic. The GOOD thing.  
  
DISCLAIMER:  
  
Star-chan: Nope. Don't own Sailor Moon.  
  
Neko: She doesn't even own any creativity.  
  
*~*  
  
Star-chan: Quick note, first half of R season.  
  
*~*  
  
I'm tugging at my hair.  
  
I'm pulling at my clothes.  
  
I'm trying to keep my cool.  
  
I know it shows.  
  
*~*  
  
Nervous, Serena stood outside the Crown Arcade, watching a certain raven hair man at the counter. In a minute, she'd walk in and ritual will hold true. His handsome smile will turn and a smirk will scar his face, the light in his ocean-deep eyes will dim, his carefree manner will become stiff and cold. All because she will enter.  
  
Trying not too let her nervousness show, Serena stepped in to the arcade.  
  
'Stay cool and aloof, Serena, cool and aloof!' she coached herself. 'Maybe then it won't hurt as much.'  
  
*~*  
  
I'm staring at my feet.  
  
My cheeks are turning red.  
  
I'm searching for the words inside my head.  
  
*~*  
  
Darien looked up as his favorite sparring partner entered the arcade. He smirked and said, "Hi, Meatball Head. Fail any tests lately?"  
  
Serena felt her cheeks turn red, half with anger, half with embarrassment. She'd stayed up half the night with Luna studying for a math quiz, and still only got a 40. 'Say something, and to him, not your shoes!' Serena scolded herself.  
  
"Aren't you even gonna look at me while I insult you, Meatball Head? Some manners!" the cruel voice, so unlike the real person underneath, invaded her thoughts.  
  
"Actually,' Serena said, trying to keep her voice light, "I think the floor could hold a better conversation than you, jerk."  
  
Darien snorted. "I doubt it. Then again, you probably know it very well. After all, you've hit it enough."  
  
*~*  
  
I'm feeling nervous.  
  
Trying to be so perfect.  
  
'Cause I know you're worth it,  
  
You're worth it, yeah.  
  
*~*  
  
Her nerves jangled at the sight of his clear blue eyes. Too bad they always glared at her. 'RETREAT!!!!' every bone, vein, and organ in her body screamed.  
  
"Even though your entertaining personality, I must leave," Serena said, stomping out of the arcade.  
  
"Bye, Meatball Head. Don't trip on your way out," Darien called mockingly.  
  
Serena left in a huff, stomping all the way to Raye's. Slowly, she started to climb the stairs. He was too perfect. She tried everything to get him to look at her differently, had studied, tried to get up on time ("tried" being the key word), tried to be more graceful.  
  
It wasn't any good. Darien deserved perfect, and she wasn't.  
  
*~*  
  
If I could say what I want to say  
  
I'd say I want to blow you.. Away.  
  
Be with you every night  
  
Am I squeezing you too tight?  
  
*~*  
  
But still, Serena couldn't keep from hoping one day she'd be perfect. She would totally blow Darien away. Finally be perfect, finally having a chance to be his girlfriend.  
  
Serena could remember what it was like, to have him hold her gently while she hugged him tight. But they were only memories, from a long time ago.  
  
*~*  
  
If I could say what I want to see  
  
I want to see you go down.. On one knee  
  
Marry me today  
  
Guess I'm wishing my life away  
  
With these things I'll never say.  
  
*~*  
  
'Ha. Keep wishing girl,' Her mind whispered. 'He is perfection and deserves perfection. You'll never be good enough. You're just wishing your life away.'  
  
Serena groaned as she reached the top. Now even her own mind was against her! What happened to being optimistic?  
  
*~*  
  
It don't do me any good.  
  
It's just a waste of time  
  
What use is to you what's on my mind?  
  
*~*  
  
"MEATBALL HEAD! WHERE *WERE* YOU?!"  
  
Not much to anyone's surprise, Raye was angry when Serena was a little late.  
  
"Did you just *happen* to forget we had a meeting?! You're supposed to be our leader!" Raye scolded. Serena looked down, ashamed. She knew she could be on time if she didn't waste time and heartaches at the arcade.  
  
"I'm sorry, Raye. I have been trying," she murmured, close to tears.  
  
"She's right, you know," Lita said. "She wasn't as late as she normally is."  
  
Amy added, "And she's been studying harder, too."  
  
Mina smiled. "Lay off for a while, Raye. Nobody's perfect."  
  
'Darien is...'  
  
*~*  
  
If it ain't coming out  
  
We're not going anywhere  
  
So why can't I just tell you that I care?  
  
*~*  
  
"It's completely hopeless if you don't do something soon, you know?" Mina asked her friend. The meeting had ended, and she was walking with Serena to a nearby bus stop.  
  
Serena nodded and tried to grin. "I know. But, to him, I'm just Meatball Head, the annoying klutz he always runs into, the bane of his existence."  
  
Mina looked at her suspiciously. "You know what 'bane of his existence' means?"  
  
"Um." Serena shrugged. "Not really. I heard it on TV and it seemed like it described us."  
  
Mina sighed. "Well, you are going to continue being his arch-enemy until you do something about it," Mina told her fellow blonde. "Carpet dime, get it?"  
  
Serena sweatdropped. "You mean 'Carpe diem'?"  
  
"The point is," Mina said, ignoring Serena, "that Darien is gonna keep writing you off as a failure until you prove him wrong. Confront him, Rena."  
  
Serena laughed weakly. "He's perfect, I'm not. How am I supposed to confront him?" She sighed as she turned the corner, leaving Mina to board the bus. "Bye, Mina, see ya tomorrow."  
  
Mina sighed.  
  
*~*  
  
Cause I'm feeling nervous  
  
Trying to be so perfect  
  
Cause I know you're worth it  
  
You're worth it, yeah.  
  
*~*  
  
Serena looked out at the full moon, sadness clearly reflecting in her blue eyes. 'I'll never be good enough for him..' she thought. 'Never...'  
  
*~*  
  
If I could say what I want to say  
  
I'd say I want to blow you.. Away.  
  
Be with you every night  
  
Am I squeezing you too tight?  
  
*~*  
  
Half dreams, half memories swirled around in Serena's head, taunting her with impossibilities. Dreams of Darien remembering, memories of Endymion's kisses.  
  
Tossing and turning, she tried to banish all thoughts of him.  
  
*~*  
  
If I could say what I want to see  
  
I want to see you go down.. On one knee  
  
Marry me today  
  
Guess I'm wishing my life away  
  
With these things I'll never say.  
  
*~*  
  
"Silly little Serena."  
  
Serena froze. When did *Ann* start getting up early? On a Saturday? Sometimes, it seemed like she wasn't *human* or something.  
  
"Hello, Ann," she said politely. The redhead continued to glare at her, shaking her head sadly.  
  
"Why do even still try, Serena?" she asked with an unflattering sneer. "Darien'll never pick someone like *you* over me."  
  
*~*  
  
What's wrong with my tongue?  
  
These words keep slipping away.  
  
I stutter, I stumble  
  
Like I've got nothing to say.  
  
*~*  
  
"Go away, Ann," Serena replied, not in the mood to think up a good retort.  
  
"Silly Serena, never stops tripping over air," Ann continued to tease. "Silly Serena, who never will have someone to love."  
  
To put it simply, Serena snapped. "Well, at least I'm not some snotty bitch that has to make fun of others to make me feel good," she snarled in a very un-Serena-like fashion.  
  
Ann gaped at her. Did she just.  
  
"That's right, you red-headed harpy. And why don't you go see what's up with your voice. It sounds like your talking through your nose half the time. No guy will ever be interested in a girl like you, a girl so into herself that she can't even see how fake and plastic she really is."  
  
(Star-chan: Do you think I don't like Ann?  
  
Neko: Just maybe. You have learned well, my student.)  
  
Conveniently, Serena just happened to notice then that Darien was standing not too far from Ann and had heard the entire conversation.  
  
"Um..I.er." she managed to get out.  
  
'Figures. I have plenty to say to Ann, but I stutter like mad around Darien.'  
  
*~*  
  
If I could say what I want to say  
  
I'd say I want to blow you.. Away.  
  
Be with you every night  
  
Am I squeezing you too tight?  
  
*~*  
  
Apparently, Ann happened to notice Darien just at that time, too.  
  
Judging by the force she exerted to practically tackle his arm.  
  
And how quickly she pretended to sob.  
  
Trusting instincts, Serena turned on her tail and ran.  
  
'Great, now he thinks you're some kind of.. I don't know.. really mean person! Nice going, Rena!' her mind shouted at her.  
  
Serena just kept running toward the park. Yes, the park would be safe. It's too big for him to find her.  
  
Once she was in a spot where she was sure he'd never find her, Serena broke down.  
  
*~*  
  
If I could say what I want to see  
  
I want to see you go down.. On one knee  
  
Marry me today  
  
Guess I'm wishing my life away  
  
With these things I'll never say  
  
*~*  
  
"Serena?" Raye's soft voice intruded. "Oh, Rena."  
  
Serena sniffed and looked up at the raven-haired priestess. "I feel like I've completely lost him now, Raye," she mumbled hopelessly, wiping away her tears.  
  
Raye tentatively came closer and wrapped an arm around her friend. "Keep wishing, Serena."  
  
*~*  
  
These things I'll never say..  
  
*~*  
  
Star-chan: HA! I bet you thought I get them together at the end, didn't ya? *dodges more apples*  
  
Neko: Stupid.  
  
Star-chan: Oh, go annoy someone else for a while.  
  
Neko: I'm fine, thanks.  
  
Star-chan: *sighs* Bye!  
  
REVIEW!!!!!!! 


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